Dress Your Mind and Yourself For the Part

Don’t dress for the part you are given, dress for the part you want. Working at a dead end? There’s something you need to remember. A suit, is a suit, is a suit, is a suit. You don’t have to buy an Armani Suit if you can’t afford it because any suit is a…you get it.

Wouldn’t you hire snazzy Bradley Cooper?

Presentation for both yourself and your resume is extremely important. Competition is stiff now more than ever, and it might be that you have to do some psychological conditioning to get a paycheck. To get the job, you need to follow some natural human interaction rules.

1. Are you looking for a promotion? Start dressing for your new role.

Herein lay your number one key to success. Are you working at the front desk but wish you could get a raise up to HR or perhaps over to the sales team? Scoop out how the majority of the coveted department are dressing and start to mimic their clothing. It might sound ridicules. You don’t want to seem like one of those boys who gets Justin Beiber’s haircut to attract girls, but consider this. Do you remember what your high school cafeteria looked like? The Goths sat together, drama nerds sat in their little group? An office is not much different. There might not be a Mean Girl like Regina Gorge in your office but there are certainly divisions that happen naturally. Accountants just have more to talk about with other accountants. Now put all of that together and you’ll understand exactly how important it is to be the part you want. If you don’t fit in right away, edge yourself in, make yourself acquainted with the right people and express the reasons for your interest, explain why you know you are a fit. You have certainly envisioned yourself there, so don’t be afraid to explain your ideas. You have to really see yourself in that role so that others can see you in it. Of course once you get comfortable you can relax and show your uniqueness, but if you are not willing to initially put forward the effort fit into a group, perhaps it’s not the best idea to try to move up there.

2. Don’t come under-dressed for your first impression….ever.

With the short exception of retail jobs, it’s really easy to come underdressed to an interview. I am not trying to undermine retail; I am just referring to the easy to spot uniform most retail stores expect their employees to wear. If you’re looking for a waterslide in Target you look for someone in a red polo and khakis, and if you’re looking to get a deal on a printer at Best Buy you look for a blue shirt and khakis.

If you are going to discuss your finances with an investment banker, you will expect to see suit or at least a button up shirt, tie and slacks when you get to his office. Consider yourself the same way. It’s the association game. Picture the position you want, then consider the most relevant clothing—dress like that, but better.

 

Creative role? Same applies here, picture a graphic designer, now remove the tee and messy hair, add hair gel and a button up at least until you’ve made the perfect impression and viola! You got yourself the graphic designer the employer is expecting. Archetypes might be frustrating for some to deal with, but tell me the first image that pops into your head when I say Wicked Witch to prove me otherwise.

 

 

 

Guess which one gets the Green Light?

3. Make Sure Your Resume does the same thing for you.

Now that you’ve made sure you have a great image off paper, make sure your paper (or digital resume) looks fitting as well. Make sure its language and appearance, much like you in person, corresponds to the company you are applying to. Funny pictures applied to your resume and sarcastic remarks will only be appreciated by other companies that are known for liking funny pictures and sarcastic remarks. There is still a thin line here, don’t make inappropriate jokes: just because the company seems to make a lot of them, doesn’t mean their HR department will appreciate it.  For example, sending over a picture of Nick Cage titled Resume to work as a teller in a major bank will sent you right into the recycling bin.

Same goes when sending a boring resume with just your qualifications and no bacon over to a place like CollegeHumor.com. When countless advisors say, make your resume stand out, they don’t mean just put pretty borders on it. They mean, know what your boring competition is likely to put on their resume (Word, Quark experience) and change it up to make it more interesting (in addition to knowing Word and Quark, I can write at lighting fast speeds in a language that is quickly dying—proper English). Again, consider where you are sending it and make sure that it’s not a prim corporation where they will certainly not appreciate your splendorous skills).

Bottom Line:

Do we want to admit that appearance means a lot? That everyone is a tad shallow and based on a majority of Youtube comments, extremely judgmental? No. But is it the truth? Please comment and let me know when it’s worked otherwise.

The Worst Bullies: Yourself and Internet Strangers.

It’s an overused saying but there is seldom a thing that’s more important than staying positive in today’s world. With the internet growing every day, our altercations with people also become more common. Really, the only way a person nowadays can avoid communicating constantly is actually moving in under a rock. Naturally, when encountering more people daily, it’s more likely that more than a few of them will be duds—mean spirited people who communicate for the sake of saying something and don’t always consider the feelings of the person on the receiving end. Here is a list of places where you are very likely to encounter someone with an attitude, why they do so and what you can do to avoid stressing out over it.

Location: Any Type of Social Media.

Anyone who has posted something on any public site has encountered belligerent anonymous strangers. Your friends on Facebook might not always be the kindest, but having their name out certainly makes a person double check whether their comment might be offensive. LinkedIn is also fairly safe because business etiquette teaches us to say nothing if there is nothing nice to be said. Meanwhile, the likes of YouTube, Twitter, and, sadly sometimes Reddit, can be rather aggressive in their comments. Some people have learned how to handle these really well. However, most of us do not know what to do and take comments of such nature personally.

Saturday Night Live Displays Internet Bullies at their Finest

Solution to Social Media. Thankfully, because the internet is so vast, it’s really easy to avoid something and refocus your energy on something else. However. we all know that no matter how many times someone says “just ignore it,” the problem really is that you cannot. You should deal with it, just not the same way the bully would. On facebook you can defriend someone or block them. On the other sites, do not be afraid to report someone as spam. Use that button, and freely. Just like pesky fake accounts that ask you to buy something in return for a ‘follow,’ people who are rude and pugnacious deserve to know that they are spamming you with their negative, unconstructive criticism. Try to focus on positive things that people are saying. In your next video or tweet thank someone for how pleasant they were. Not only will this model the idea that being nice gets you recognized, it will also make an indirect jab by ignoring negative comments. There are few things people will want to continue to do without recognition. If the comments get out of hand and you have used all of your resources, don’t be afraid to just retreat. Either discontinue your discourse about the topic, delete your post, or just hide people’s ability to comment on your posts. It might seem drastic, but if you’re truly not learning anything from everyone’s input (how to better your post next time, spelling error you might need to fix) then it’s not worth your time. Finally, refocus your attention to more positive social networks and blogs that more closely relate to your interests- hellogiggles.com might be one for example, Pinterest.com might be another. Getty Images has an entire website dedicated to inspiring people.

Location: Job Seeking When You Feel Like You’ve Drained All Of Your Resources.

We have all been there at one point. There are a thousand aunts that suddenly show up to edit your resume because they know best. There are two thousand companies where you are “just not a good fit.” Three thousand books that will make it seem you’ve been doing the wrong thing this whole time.

Solution to Job Seeking Woes. Keep persevering. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, the average length of a job search was 21 weeks as of January, 2012. That means that you could be lucky and fall below that number or need some help as you exceed the time frame. Another statistic claims that people give up looking after five months–and that’s the one which needs to be addressed foremost. This is no normal Bully situation you’re dealing with. In this case, often the bully is you and/or someone close by. It’s very rare that parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents understand of your situation. They want you to succeed but preferably without you having to borrow money from them or ‘crash’ at their place. Hence, their patience will be rather short and their advice rather one-sided. It might be a good idea to distance yourself from those relatives that are forcing their advice upon you, especially if they are not coming with professional knowledge. That being said, it will be more upsetting if you are left wondering what would have happened if you did take that chance and follow someone’s advice.  As long as you can honestly tell yourself that you tried, and/or their advice did not work, you gave it your best shot.

Keep positive by re-reading your resume. After all, that resume is supposed to be your best foot forward before the employer has seen your face. Re-read it and edit it until it makes you smile because that’s the reaction an employer should have when they see your perfect qualifications. When it comes to work, your earning potential and your feelings, it’s tough to keep telling yourself you are doing a great job. You become your own bully.The recommendation here is to seek professional advice. You might not want temporary work, but a good staffing agency will tweak your resume and give you some pointers before you go on an interview. Going on a temporary assignment is not always the worst idea if you have been out of work for a while, especially considering some companies will keep you on after their contract with the staffing agency is through.

Most importantly, don’t forget to always keep your chin above the water, because if you’re nice, the world needs more people like you.

Is Office 15 Worthy of Your Office?

We could sit here and discuss forever how Android’s new Jelly Bean OS beats iPhone’s Siri in every test. However, that would be just for fun, a distraction from the important business that Windows announced on Monday. Hope you have not gotten used to Office 2010 because an update is coming and like Windows 7 was to Windows Vista—this one is big. Windows is trying to compete with a world full of desk top apps and tablets. Office’s new format will follow everything else in the shiney Windows 8 OS. Considering that Microsoft is entering that land a little bit late with its Surface tablet launching five years after the iPad, it’s important that everything works. Especially when keeping in mind that during its first display the tablet lowered many expectations. Microsoft promises that the Office 15 (aka Office 2013) will be convenient to use without a difficult learning curve. We’ve observed that learning might come be harder to those who have not joined Office 365, the cloud-enabled application system that businesses have been slow to adapt to. Microsoft promised during its Monday announcement that they will be working to better 365 while they put out the new Office 2013.[1]

The new Office Suite forces you to deal with the currently clumsy Office 365. If the previous version asked that you create your document on your desktop first, with the Word, PowerPoint or Excel doc and then upload it, Office 2013 will prefer you to start from the online server and only download the doc to your desktop if you need it. Your recent documents will show up as tiles once you open the desktop version the Office program. Again, tablet friendly. On the same note, Office 365 is supposed to make collaborations painless and it delivers. Little underlines and bubbles make it is easy to see when someone on your team is helping you out. No word yet whether all parties can have the same documents open at the same time without the program freaking out.

Here are some other highlights, summarized: Reading docs is easy too. When you’re in ‘Read Only’ mode entire paragraphs can be collapsed and all borders/mark ups removed, so that only one thing is front your eyes at a time. Office 2013 is able to read and edit PDF documents. Not only can you change a PDF document or embed it inside of your new Word.doc, you can then save that completed work as either a .pdf or a .doc. You can also embed videos into your document. Now to Excel. It’s gotten smarter so that it knows ahead of time what you are about to put into a new column if it’s seen that name/thing/number somewhere else before.  It will also recommends charts for you based on the contents of the table you created. Powerpoint can be uploaded online, which makes it great for moving your presentations as needed. Finally, Outlook has been made easier by modifying how you set up mail rules.

Business Worthiness: While this might be pretty convenient for those will little desktop memory, it is certainly a new manner of doing things. It might take a while to get used to not going to My Documents or your neat little folders on your home screen. The alternative will make neat little folders on the server that everyone can see across the company if you choose to do so without the hassle of having to look through your entire computer. As you can see, it’s business savvy to have the cloud to save space and time, but the learning curve might be considerably not worth it.  Keep in mind, however, that if the new Office does well, your business might be left in program dust.


[1] If you have a mid-size business, it might be easier to use SkyDrive, the cloud system that Microsoft holds for its Hotmail uses that can store up to 7GB of data and easily syncs with both its current Office, 2010 and Office 15.

Businesses Might be Forced to Remove Macs from the Picture

Apple’s last conference left a lot of people very excited for their next product’s main attraction, the Retina display. Some of the features of the new Mac could make a great addition to any workforce. It helps that the MacBook Pro is able to run multiple monitors without a problem. Another being how cool the Mac stays under the pressure of running those monitors. But there are a lot of issues waiting for the business consumer that are easily overlooked because of society’s general obsession with Apple products. Specifically, Going Green. We’ve installed recycling bins on every street corner (at least as observed in NY/NJ), we use ecofriendly water bottles, compostable potato chip bags, recycling bins specifically for plastic bags are in every grocery and paper speakers amp up our phones. So how is it that Apple’s latest computer has moved so far away from those efforts?

The latest MacBook Pro with Retina has been deemed “The least Repairable Laptop” on the market. Perhaps a consumer could overlook the fact that the new Retina machine does not have an Ethernet port. Maybe they could get excited for the  three monitor hook up because of the graphics it enables. Let’s not even discuss the fact that Apple can no longer claim to be virus free. Most will probably even look past the fast that the outdated technology (RAM and Processors compared to competitors) will not stand the test of a year’s time.  “Fine, I can update the parts, add an ethernet” Macheads might immediately chime in. However, being “the least repairable laptop” means that you no longer can just update any piece on your own. It means that repair costs go up and so do the spare pieces needed to make a more complete laptop. More importantly, it means the government can’t purchase the machines. Before anyone gets upset claiming government control over everything, I would like to point out that the regulation only asks that the machine be easily disassembled to recycle. Seems like a noble cause to us.

Apple’s new release just doesn’t stand the poor-economy-consumer test. What’s to come for the environmentally friendly folks who want a compostable laptop Apple just recently boasted? In a profit driven world there is no room for wallet comfort, and certainly no room for ecofriendly.

Apple actually accomplished a lot of things for their business and yours. They can return their product to being exclusive, because those with their senses intact will doubtfully purchase a computer that cannot be updated for anything less than Apple charges. The MacBook Pro with Retina will return Macs to Designers, who need the graphics, but don’t need constant contact with the internet and conversely will not be receiving viruses from its use. As an entrepreneur, no one expects companies who have switched to Mac to switch to Windows, but during the next update, you will be forced to reconsider shelling out a thousand dollars for a laptop that loses a the basic functions a business uses, the internet. If the government can’t stand behind a private company that accounts for much of the U.S. imports, how could you?

Thanks to Oatmeal’s Prompt, Susan the Nun now has a better job.

Much like the rest of the internet and social media sites, Winston follows the usual slogans: Don’t Fix it if it Ain’t Broke, A little Goes A Long Way and finally one we made up: Take someone’s idea, use it as a prompt to do something awesome and then give credit where it’s due and don’t forget to consult the internet. A while ago, internet guru The Oatmeal offered a prompt, although we doubt he considered it as such.

Here are my answers: the Moon and the Sun appear to be the same size in the sky because the great spaghetti monster designed them this way. I am not capable of drawing a bald Eagle teaming up with George Washington defeating Skynet because Skynet isn’t real yet and I have no frame of reference. On a related note, I cannot sing about loading a dishwasher because everyone knows you just throw out dishes when you’re done. Now that I am finished with everything that I cannot do, how about I get to the Love Story involving Cage-Fighting Nuns and Tanks The Oatmeal proposed. Not only is this relevant to my field, because Cage -Fighting Nuns don’t have very promising careers but it also puts me into a creative box I have always wanted to be in. Before someone asks: “Hey Guru, how come you waited so long to write this story since The Oatmeal sent the challenge forevers ago?” The answer is: “Don’t you want to read an amazing story I am about to get on with writing? So Stop complaining!” Long story short, challenge accepted. Aahem

Sister Susan lived in Montgomery Nunnery where she got along with all of the other nuns fairly well. Of course she always wanted to experience more thrill than a nunnery could present to her. You see, she didn’t go to the nunnery by choice. About eighteen years ago her father went to war to fight against another country (we’re not trying to be political here so it doesn’t matter which country). Susan didn’t have a mother or siblings, so when her father was deployed, he had to take his suitcase backpack in one hand and the baby into another. He was promptly notified by Major Bigguyerson that it was not safe to bring a baby to war. So, Susan’s dad changed the direction of the tank towards the local monastery and never picked her back up. You see little Susan’s dad met a lady during the war and decided to move to Russia to live with her.

Needless to say, Susan grew up a rather distressed child. No seriously, she got into accounting and did all of the finances for the nunnery and that’s incredibly stressful. A year after taking over that role, she decided to distress by sneaking out of her room to cage fight. And she could fight. People bet on her because she had 4/5 odds in her favor. One night she came out of the cage-fighting building, all sweaty, her black robe sticking to her body, her white handkerchief and black head-dress soaked clutching a towel in her left hand, wiping her right check when a man approached her. Susan was taken aback by how handsome this man was. She certainly hadn’t seen many males, but seeing one in a suit was an even unlikelier occurrence. The silky black Dolce&Gabbana glistened under the evening lamps and made Susan want to trust the man. She was also confident she could knock his block off if need be. He handed her a card and said, “You look like a leader, like you know your way around an Excel spreadsheet.” To which she answered: “Wow, way to try to sell me over you sleaze ball, I would rather talk to the guy behind you.” She walked past Dolce and Hair gel. The next guy was also wearing slacks and a button up shirt with a sports jacket, but he wasn’t all showey-offy. He walked toward Susan and extended his arm.  “Hey, my name is Jason. I saw you were wearing a nun’s outfit but you can obviously do a great job in the ring, can we sit down tomorrow and discuss your current career goals?” Susan was flattered, she loved her nunnery but this laid back guy, a full time paycheck and a means to move out sounded like a swell idea, so she agreed to the lunch date.

That night she wrote up a resume and brought it over with a copy of her HS Diploma equivalent. The next day she sat in a café waiting for Jason to show up and he did. IN A TANK! She was in love and after taking one look at her resume Jason was smitten as well. And so they lived, Susan got an awesome job at “Money Bags and Sons” and Jason continued to recruit because getting people out of jobs they don’t like into ideal ones was his passion.

THE END

 

 

 

 

 

If you were remotely entertained by this, it would be awesome to get more challenges like these. Please send me prompts so that I can create a story you would like to read.

Eagerly waiting,

Guru