Thanks to Oatmeal’s Prompt, Susan the Nun now has a better job.

Much like the rest of the internet and social media sites, Winston follows the usual slogans: Don’t Fix it if it Ain’t Broke, A little Goes A Long Way and finally one we made up: Take someone’s idea, use it as a prompt to do something awesome and then give credit where it’s due and don’t forget to consult the internet. A while ago, internet guru The Oatmeal offered a prompt, although we doubt he considered it as such.

Here are my answers: the Moon and the Sun appear to be the same size in the sky because the great spaghetti monster designed them this way. I am not capable of drawing a bald Eagle teaming up with George Washington defeating Skynet because Skynet isn’t real yet and I have no frame of reference. On a related note, I cannot sing about loading a dishwasher because everyone knows you just throw out dishes when you’re done. Now that I am finished with everything that I cannot do, how about I get to the Love Story involving Cage-Fighting Nuns and Tanks The Oatmeal proposed. Not only is this relevant to my field, because Cage -Fighting Nuns don’t have very promising careers but it also puts me into a creative box I have always wanted to be in. Before someone asks: “Hey Guru, how come you waited so long to write this story since The Oatmeal sent the challenge forevers ago?” The answer is: “Don’t you want to read an amazing story I am about to get on with writing? So Stop complaining!” Long story short, challenge accepted. Aahem

Sister Susan lived in Montgomery Nunnery where she got along with all of the other nuns fairly well. Of course she always wanted to experience more thrill than a nunnery could present to her. You see, she didn’t go to the nunnery by choice. About eighteen years ago her father went to war to fight against another country (we’re not trying to be political here so it doesn’t matter which country). Susan didn’t have a mother or siblings, so when her father was deployed, he had to take his suitcase backpack in one hand and the baby into another. He was promptly notified by Major Bigguyerson that it was not safe to bring a baby to war. So, Susan’s dad changed the direction of the tank towards the local monastery and never picked her back up. You see little Susan’s dad met a lady during the war and decided to move to Russia to live with her.

Needless to say, Susan grew up a rather distressed child. No seriously, she got into accounting and did all of the finances for the nunnery and that’s incredibly stressful. A year after taking over that role, she decided to distress by sneaking out of her room to cage fight. And she could fight. People bet on her because she had 4/5 odds in her favor. One night she came out of the cage-fighting building, all sweaty, her black robe sticking to her body, her white handkerchief and black head-dress soaked clutching a towel in her left hand, wiping her right check when a man approached her. Susan was taken aback by how handsome this man was. She certainly hadn’t seen many males, but seeing one in a suit was an even unlikelier occurrence. The silky black Dolce&Gabbana glistened under the evening lamps and made Susan want to trust the man. She was also confident she could knock his block off if need be. He handed her a card and said, “You look like a leader, like you know your way around an Excel spreadsheet.” To which she answered: “Wow, way to try to sell me over you sleaze ball, I would rather talk to the guy behind you.” She walked past Dolce and Hair gel. The next guy was also wearing slacks and a button up shirt with a sports jacket, but he wasn’t all showey-offy. He walked toward Susan and extended his arm.  “Hey, my name is Jason. I saw you were wearing a nun’s outfit but you can obviously do a great job in the ring, can we sit down tomorrow and discuss your current career goals?” Susan was flattered, she loved her nunnery but this laid back guy, a full time paycheck and a means to move out sounded like a swell idea, so she agreed to the lunch date.

That night she wrote up a resume and brought it over with a copy of her HS Diploma equivalent. The next day she sat in a café waiting for Jason to show up and he did. IN A TANK! She was in love and after taking one look at her resume Jason was smitten as well. And so they lived, Susan got an awesome job at “Money Bags and Sons” and Jason continued to recruit because getting people out of jobs they don’t like into ideal ones was his passion.

THE END

 

 

 

 

 

If you were remotely entertained by this, it would be awesome to get more challenges like these. Please send me prompts so that I can create a story you would like to read.

Eagerly waiting,

Guru

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